Hello, Snuggles McFluff here. I’ve been doing some hard thinking, and I’ve got five things on my mind that I just can’t figure out. If any of you internet geniuses can help me, I’d be super grateful. Here’s my list:
1. Hey all you gay people who sound gay – why do you sound so gay? You didn’t always sound gay, so what happened?
2. Hey all you bitch ass vegans – don’t you know that oil we use for fuel and making plastic comes from dinosaurs, which are animals? What the fuck are you doing driving cars and storing your food in refrigerators!? My God vegans fucking suck, and this is coming from a rabbit!
3. Hey all you ultra-conservative Americans – you know nobody respects you, right? Like, nobody. I know I’m ignorant, but, Jesus fuck. This one did start as a question….
4. Hey all you people trying to be sensitive to transgender people – why do you insist on referring to them as “trans women” or “trans men”? I know you’re picking the politically correct gender to describe the person as (whichever one they switched to), but when you precede it with the word ‘trans’ everyone just thinks, “Oh right, not really a woman.” Right? Am I crazy? Maybe you should consider leaving that ‘trans’ bit out and just try to fool us outright – out of respect for the trannies!
5. Hey all you Christians claiming that Jesus, your lord and saviour, is divine – I’ve got a real puzzler for you. How can you also claim Jesus was a man? No one is saying he’s half man, half god, like Hercules. You’re saying he was totally a dude, and totally part of the Holy Trinity. Being human and divine are mutually exclusive properties, so if he was 100% human, that means he’s 0% divine. Or if he’s 100% divine, 0% human. What makes you think you can have it both ways? That’s like saying a number is positive and negative at the same time. It makes no sense.
Thanks for reading folks! I look forward to seeing all the responses to my questions and hopefully becoming less woefully ignorant. Before I go I’d just like to do my part in reducing ignorance by taking a moment to refute a stereotype that affects me. I’ve been hearing some people using the phrase, “fucking like rabbits”, to mean having lots of sex. Well, rabbits don’t actually have much more sex than people. Actually, I know some people who have lots more sex than any rabbit I know. Anyway, just because rabbits have enormous litters doesn’t mean we’re sex fiends. If you would like to compare people’s sexual habits to those of rabbits, it would be more accurate to draw a comparison between us and people who forgo birth control. Like Mexicans. Bye bye!