First Elvish Democracy (Nearly) Established

[Updated: April 13, 2016]

Christmas 2015 was the last of its kind following the abrupt and unexpected death of Santa Claus. The rebel Elvish Solidarity Front (ESF), led by quality assurance advisor and general, Fidelf Elfro, has seized control of Santa’s Village, preventing next-in-line Mrs. Claus from assuming the position of High Leader. The ESF quickly formed a transitionary government and passed a new constitution geared toward protecting elvish interests. The United States has been quick to label the ESF government a “communist dictatorship”, placing a trade embargo on the northern nation which goes so far as to limit US trade with third party countries that may choose to do business with the elves.

While the new constitution is widely regarded as a socialist one, guaranteeing equal distribution of wealth to all elves, the temporary government has also set a tentative date for general elections to take place later in the year. ESF spokesperson Elfesto “Chelf” Elfara told a press conference that the dictatorial, US-friendly Claus regime “had to end” and that the majority elvish population is in “desperate need [of] social programs.” He also spoke about the need to diversify the economy, specifically expansion into the mining and oil sectors, as well as signing a trade deal with Russia in light of the recent US sanctions.

“Our current toy-based economy is unsustainable,” Elfara told reporters. “We cannot afford to compete with the Chinese when the cost of living in the North Pole is so high. We must develop all the resources available to us, and if that means fewer toys and a competing voice in Arctic affairs for the Americans, so be it. We will not continue to allow US interests to interfere with our autonomy.”

The UN voted to recognise the ESF as a legitimate government without the support of the US and Israel, and has invited general Elfro to participate in talks with the leaders of Canada, Russia and Denmark surrounding the ownership of the North Pole. The US remains unwilling to acknowledge Elfro as High Leader but is continuing negotiations for the safe release of Mrs. Claus, who was found guilty by an all-elf jury of a series of offences including the manufacturing of subpar cookies, distastefulness, and corruption.

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